Mental commotion

Words like "self discovery" have become a fashion statement these days.So,I thought why not become fashionable myself.

Its been quite some time(many years infact) that I have been trying to find out who I am and what I want from life.There are very few people in this world whose work is their passion,the rest,like me end up where life takes them."Life takes them"??Well I don't neccessarily agree on this one.Its we who are responsible for shaping our lives but what we do most often is follow others.Now there is nothing wrong in wanting to be like someone but then there is a difference between respecting someone and being in awe.

My father told me once that son "Never be in awe of someone,it hampers your own individuality",and I totally agree with him on this one.Take my life for example.When I was small I wanted to become a cricketer but I soon realised or was made to realise that I am not good at it and moreover there is a lot of risk involved so it is always dangerous to tread the unknown path.But the fact remains,that did I realy want to be a cricketer or was it the fascination for the likes of Azhar and Sachin that made me think so???

Went through school mostly enjoying life and neglecting studies,if given a choice I would have dropped out.But then,guys from nice families don't become dropouts,they become Doctors or Engineers.I was not even sure which subjects I liked.But as it happened,I started scoring well in maths and physics and so it was assumed by everyone around me and to some extent by Me too that I had a great future as an Engineer.The next obvious step was IIT-JEE, indias toughest exam for getting admission into the top Engineering schools.You know ""IITians earn a lot","IITians are this","IITians are that",so so so......as usual I went with the flow. I landed up in an engineering college,realising that I didn't have any aptitude whatsoever to become an engineer.Still I continued for 4 years and managed to pass with relatively decent grades.What the hell!!

In college I realised that since I hate the idea of becoming an Engineer,so I should look for other options...the next option was and still is, an MBA.Why??? bcoz,well an MBA's job profile is supposedly better than an engineer,he earns more and being an MBA is kewl.

The present scenario(or call it irony) is,I am in a software job,which I feel sucks!!Still, I wanna switch jobs and do very well in this field.I also wanna go for an MBA from an international B School,I wanna be rich,famous,like him,like her.........but I have stopped hearing what that faint voice inside me(which died many many years ago) which realy speaks for me ,has to say...I realy donno who matiaoo is and what he wants.I donno wether the last 23 years of my life have been lived by "Me" or by trying to become someone who I never realy was or am.

Someone once said : "Its very easy to become brave from a safe distance."